Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
