6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
