I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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