This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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