woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
