the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
