took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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