i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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