I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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