Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
