Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
