I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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