Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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