I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Randomize
