May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
