your thong is hanging out like whoa
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
