hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
