Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
