I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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