yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
