just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
