Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
