am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
