I'm going to jail i love you
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
