she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
