I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It's just like the Real World with babies
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
