well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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