Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
