You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
