i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
