oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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