What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
