how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
