my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
