I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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