dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
