College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
