Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This is the high leading the old right now
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
