Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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