Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
