hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
