You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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