3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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