You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
