The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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