just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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