we have pet lesbian snakes
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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