Betty ford says i'm here all night
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize