can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
