A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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