I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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