hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
