Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize