How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
