Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
