Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
