My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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