I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
