Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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