They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize