just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
