I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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