listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Did I show you my penis last night?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
