Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Randomize
