but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
