Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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