the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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