I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
