if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
