dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Randomize
