I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
