question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
home. puking in laundry basket.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize