I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
These tits shall not be calmed
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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