what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
