Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
