i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
